8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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