I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
