hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
