It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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