There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
