My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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