we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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