I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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