No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
