I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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