it wasn't lemon gatorade
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
