And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
