Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
