if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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