you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize