What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
