so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
