The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He called his prostate his "boner button".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
