Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
