her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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