Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize