Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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