So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
