and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
