I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
