i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
