Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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