I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
