Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
