He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Pooping to opera.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
