I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize