i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
