When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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