he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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