How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
