I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
