dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
