Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
