walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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