There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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