I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize