He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did not marry a roomba.
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