3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
