woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
