I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
