so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
