you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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