I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
