cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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