I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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