So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
