The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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