If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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