at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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