this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
