apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
