so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
