you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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