Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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