Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize