We won't sleep together?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
