If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
