Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
