Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
