I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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