I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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