Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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