Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
