oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
