Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
