We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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