She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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