I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
