All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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