He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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