I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
