what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
