I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
