How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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