So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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